It took me a while to realize that we must take time for ourselves. I never understood how much better I felt after coming back from some time away.

After having taken vacations and time away I have found more creativity and reduced stress. Sometimes we just take forever to realize the obvious.

I’ve been working on improving my photography skills and for the next month I’m working hard on landscape photography. It’s a big stretch for me because I feel I can never truly capture a landscape scene the way I see it but that’s why we practice I hear. 

As business owners it’s easy for us to get caught up in the details losing the real reason why we do certain things. At a recent meeting with a client they are so caught up in how it’s always been that they’ve lost touch with their customers.

They bend to the whims of the few that complain and are afraid of change. They neglect to understand that true leadership in their own business means to be an example of what they can do for their clients.

They hate conflict, they hate friction. They choose to ignore that conflict exists regardless of whether they choose to acknowledge it or not.

The layout of their publication won’t change the business, nor will the content. Their focus on what is important (their customers) will change both content and layout allowing you to influence real change for your clients.

The following is a story from a book project I’m working on about my childhood, all including my brother Eric.

Harry Houdini, a magician, escapologist, stunt performer, and actor among other things made him famous but the stories of escape caught our attention. Many magicians and illusionist owe their career to Houdini as he popularized it to the level we know and enjoy today. We loved magic, it didn’t matter how corny or campy it was, we loved it. Houdini, like many of the people that would follow him would be bound in chains and submerged into water to see if they could escape. Of all the escapes there was something about the ones that involved water that made us eager to try it for ourselves.

One summer day, it was blazing hot probably somewhere in the 110F range, my brother and I would always be in the pool for the majority of the summer. We had been talking about imitating a Houdini trick for some time and that particular day we finally decided to try it. Eric and I were a part of a scouting program growing up and tying knots were always a key to the program, we thought it to be wise to practice our knots to ensure that the bindings would not come loose. Plus, should one of us having difficulty breathing underwater (we both had severe asthma) we could always practice our first aid. So we crafted a plan to take a cinder block, tie rope to it and then tie the other end to our feet. To make things even better, we decided to bind our hands so that it would totally mimic Houdini. Now, there was talk of finding handcuffs and chains but sadly we couldn’t find any. Somehow I think that was divine intervention.

So sitting on the edge of our calm pool the birds, insects, wind, and traffic silenced. My heart felt like a drum in my chest resonating throughout my entire body. Luckily, Eric didn’t tie knots too tightly, he stood there blankly staring at me holding the cinder block in his hands ready to drop it into the pool. Eric spoke barely with his breath, “You ready?” I mouthed, “Sure.” Before I finished speaking, Eric slung the brick towards the deep end and I was snaked off the deck, dragged down the slope of the side until I heard the block echo on the floor of the pool. It was then that reality set in, I barely gasped for air before being pulled off the deck, my fingers were forgetting what to do, and then to top it off I had to go pee. As death was potentially patiently waiting for me up on deck the only thing I could think of was going pee. Did I mention I was 12? Twelve and at the bottom of a pool having thought that imitating Houdini would be cool but now I was beginning to panic. I started thinking about all the things I wouldn’t be able to do if I died down there, I wouldn’t be able to play Duck Hunt, eat grape Sno Cones, wear overalls, or watch Jurassic Park again. Yeah, my priorities weren’t exactly that of a normal child but Jurassic Park is still one of my favorite movies of all time. When I have kids, they’ll never know what it was like to see Jurassic Park in the movie theater, oh my god, I’m one of those old people now, imagining how awesome it was to be old school. See it’s this type of side tracking that started to get me in trouble down at the bottom of the pool.

I was working fast to get my hands untied and when I finally got them loose the thought having to go pee again rushed to the front of my mind. In hindsight I probably should have just peed in the pool but I couldn’t face the embarrassment or my dad being upset with me as he battled the ph balance of the pool like the father from The Christmas Story battling the furnace. I swiftly moved to untying my feet, I fumbled and seriously thought that this might be it. As I was frantically thumbing the threads tied to my watery grave I had always thought that the end of my life would come with flashes of the best parts and to be honest Jurassic Park was the only thing to flash before eyes. Maybe I should have been disappointed that an epic movie was my last moments but then again it was one great movie wasn’t it? My lungs burned, panic was setting in, I felt like I could barely feel the rope, I knew I better hurry up or this would be it. I had finished untying my twisted twine bindings and jumped for the surface of the water. My feet felt weak, my arms were tired, I struggled and flailed craving oxygen like when someone would take the last Twinkie leaving you to watch them eat it in front of you. Finally, I broke the surface, biting at the sky, all I heard was laughter, well, laughter and water going into my ears. Opening my eyes I saw my brother with his mouth open, pointing at me and saying between laughs and deep breaths, “You. Almost. Died. That would have been funny, Mom would’ve been so mad!” I responded, cool, calm, and collective as any respectful brother would, “Dick! Were you even watching me? What would’ve happened if I’d died?” Eric fell to one knee because the laughter was too heavy for him to bear, he slathered back, “We’d probably move! No one wants to swim in a pool someone died in, that’s gross.”

I eventually made it to the ladder and climbed out rolling onto the deck thinking how that was not the best idea we’ve had. After Eric was done laughing he dove into the pool and grabbed the rope to pull the cinder block out of the pool. Once on the surface I was telling Eric that he had to do it, I had already done it and lived. He wasn’t convinced but decided to give it a try. I tied the rope to his feet and began tying his hands, he knew I was better at tying knots and that was when he started having second thoughts. I told him not to worry, I wouldn’t do it too tight and even if he couldn’t get out I’d be there to pull him out. He leaned back, pulling his hands close to him so he could get his hands out and untie his feet. I told him it would be fine and not to worry but now he didn’t want to do it. As he finished untying the rope, he turned away from me to throw the rope so I couldn’t get it, he said, “I’m not doing this, this is stupid.” Remembering his display of laughter I saw when I came to the surface I said, “Yes, you are!” While he was turned away throwing the rope out of my reach I pushed the brick into the pool that was attached to his feet. He quickly turned spouting, “Why’d you do thaaa…..?” That was all I heard because the rest of whatever he said was underwater and I don’t have ears that can hear what people say underwater. He came back up pretty quickly, he was pissed, his face was fiery red, I knew I should be running but I couldn’t because I was laughing too hard. He was yelling at me but I don’t remember what he was saying because I was laughing so hard, I laid back on the deck with my feet hanging over the edge to get a hearty laugh full of wonderful, abundant oxygen. It was maybe a minute and I didn’t hear anything so I began to get up to see where Eric was, as I sat up he grabbed my foot. He was trying to pull me in but I used my other foot to push his head underwater, he let go. I quickly, as much as a fat kid could, got up and ran, again as much as a fat kid could, to the house to hide.

I don’t remember much more than that except at some point it turned into a fight, it always did, we both felt wronged and needed to ensure that the other person knew and felt our pain. So, while it may look cool on TV and in books doing magic tricks underwater is not the best thing for children to do or especially for children who get winded walking down stairs.

With how much I write for clients and offer up ways to help my clients I am constantly surprised I still struggle to find my voice. To find my way in my literary world.

Sometimes I find myself suppressing what I think or censoring my thoughts as I feel others have already expressed them more adequately than I ever could. Yet I read and discuss points that have been overly examined but still lack discipline.

I still find myself hesitant to step foot in the arena as I feel I can’t properly expound my thoughts and strategy fully. In front of clients it comes with ease but in front of my screen it stutters.

My heart yearns to create but finds itself with a weak voice barely speaking up when it feels it should be shouting. It’s been said that you shouldn’t write because you want to say something but write because you have something to say.

I don’t struggle with having something to say or writing it, it’s publishing it.

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Need some inspiration or just like really cool photos? Check this out.

My friend Chris Brogan is an amazing friend and businessman, he has this newsletter of his called Blog Topics that delivers weekly ideas of what to blog about. Now before I go further, writing about him and his newsletter isn’t one of the topics, that’d be kind of messed up wouldn’t it? (I’ll get back to the newsletter in a moment.)

A lot of people want to be him, well, they want to be how they perceive his life. They think this guy just types a few words and is making business happen, they don’t see the real work. Some even think he has some secret way of doing things that he keeps for himself instead of telling everyone in his books. No really, I’ve had someone tell me this personally. Over the years I’ve met many people who think they can be Chris, think that Chris does things wrong, or even think he’s a hack. From what I’ve seen Chris just sees things differently and that to me is he’s secret. You can’t replicate one’s perception of the world. That’s why I not only subscribe but pay for Blog Topics. I’ve had a few people ask why I pay for it and if I doubt my own ability that much that I would have to pay for help.

Sometimes people just don’t get it. Yes, my blog could always use help, who doesn’t need help? But beyond my personal pandering I see this as a vital tool for me to get fresh ideas every week for my clients. I write quite a bit for my clients and sometimes creativity escapes me and I’m staring at a blank screen wondering how I’ll meet my deadline. Chris’ newsletter helps me out when I’m stuck. One thing I learned from Chris is to keep writing topics and ideas down because when you’re in a rut you’ll have plenty of material to fall back on. Also, when a client ask me for blog ideas I always have some that will work best for them.

Now this may sound simple and you might be thinking to yourself that I’m incredibly lacking intelligence and in need of a good schooling. You’re probably right but that’s also why you don’t get it and why you don’t see value when it’s gawking at your face with a big, bright, money sign written on it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is haters are always going to hate and sometimes it’s worth spending money on things that help you become a better person. If you don’t then you just might miss your big “O” and no one wants to do that. (By “O” I mean opportunity, if you thought otherwise then your mind is nothing more than grotesque wasteland. I’m just kidding, I did that on purpose.)

Sometimes we need to buy things to see how others do things successfully or even as a way for us to help our clients. Too often people get stuck in this concept that we must be the expert, no exception. You don’t become an expert by having finite knowledge and understanding. To become an expert we must always be learning. We must always see things differently.

There is so much noise, so much information, so many tools, there’s too much. We’ve become a digital society that celebrates the tools of the process not the process or the end product. It seems we’ve put so much time and money backing the how-to rather than the doing. It’s simple to see why though, there’s no risk involved. With no risk there’s no failure, with no failure there’s no ownership of choices made. We are the greatest digital society but we are cowards.

Many might suggest that this is a fallacy of the precepts of our society but then why are there more blogs published on how to publish blogs telling others how to publish blogs.

Are we really sharing what matters most?

Are we really connecting with others?

Are we only posing to be connected?

When we reach out with something that matters to us we truly reach out with our hand hoping others will grab ahold. This is a matter of faith in motion not faith looking into a cloudy mirror only to vaguely see itself. When we leave the nest of familiarity we leap into a world that is hungry for genuine connectivity. It is dangerous to walk away from the herd, it makes us second guess every decision we make but those very dangers is what enables us to possess real ability to change not only our surroundings but the world at large.

Do we simply want to connect with only others who do exactly what we do or do we want to connect with people who seek change that matters?

Everything we choose to do matters, it only depends on who it matters to? To ourselves, our digital egos, our colleagues, or real people who struggle with the very thing we’ve solved?

Are we propagating the problem or the solution?

Is it the journey or the destination?

When we risk we choose to live.

Human nature will not change. In any future great national trial, compared with the men of this, we shall have as weak and as strong, as silly and as wise, as bad and as good. Let us therefore study the incidents in this as philosophy to learn wisdom from and none of them as wrongs to be avenged. – Abraham Lincoln

I’m currently participating in a self-challenge to read a book a week, inspired by Julien Smith who has completed this task many times before. This last month has killed me due to my house experiencing intense water damage, I haven’t been able to keep up. But this last week I picked up the “Complete Writings of Abraham Lincoln” which is interesting from a historical, public speaking, thinking, and writing perspective.

As this quote was referring to the presidential election I thought he makes a great point about detractors, people will always choose sides, whether it is for public policy, charities, blog posts, and twitter updates. As many begin blogging they seek to please everyone but as they quickly find out, there is simply no way for you to please everyone at the same time. Though many will find this as a limitation to what they can do and how they will present their thoughts; to me, it is liberating. Understanding that human nature will always exist, meaning there will always be people who have strong or weak opinions for your argument or against it. Knowing that allows you the freedom to push forward without censoring yourself for the sake of what a detractor might think.

The other aspect of this quote that stuck with me is that it would seem that Abraham Lincoln didn’t simply ignore the detractors yet he gathered all comments, concerns, and passions, weighing them against his own thoughts. He instead of writing follow-up letters or speeches to address the detractors he would learn from everyone’s opinions and actions.

In business, any time we take a stand for or against a mindset we will find some who for no apparent reason seek to correct us according to their standard of thinking. We must not wavier only to seek approval of our detractors because we will never satisfy everyone’s cognitive standards. However, we should never be too proud to think that our philosophy and actions are the only correct ones to be made or assumed.

Business is an ever-changing target, so to assume that we have arrived at final set of standards is not only ignorant but precarious. Let us therefore study our detractors to learn wisdom from them for every perceived correct ideology is another persons perceived flawed ideology. To disagree is human nature, let us not get caught up in the argument without balanced objectivity.

What does rice have to do with the social web? When you look at rice, there are many different types of rice and different ways to cook it, all yielding varied results. There’s rice for a quick meal, rice for sushi, rice for risotto, rice for healthier conscious (brown rice). You can have rice as a side dish or you can have rice as the main course, you can even have rice as a dessert. So how does this compare to the social web?

Too often we become consumed with one platform or medium that best suits ourselves. We begin to gravitate towards what’s easiest and where our friends are. This makes us feel most comfortable. But remember, there are friends and then they are clients. (It’s not every day that they can be both. Thankfully, one of the best aspects of the social web is uniting friends and clients as one. This type of unification is great but often comes with its own complications.)

With rice before we start cooking we decide whether it will be a side dish, main course, or dessert. Then we decide how much time we want to invest, the time invested will often be weighed against who we will be entertaining that evening. If they are important to us then we might invest more time for a more impressive, tasty rice dish or course. However, if it’s just the family, the standard quick rice will do, satisfying the need without too much time invest. We know these things instinctively, without training, without cooking prowess, we know and understand what we can do and what we will need to make it happen.

Why then do we ignore this type of innate knowledge and processing skills when it comes to the social web? We will waste time, energy, and money into fruitless social endeavors that will not yield the desired results while conversely we will hardly attempt other platforms or networks because we don’t think we need to impress anyone over there.

If we take our rice skills and apply them to the social web we might be able to make better business decisions about our time and money spent. How much should we invest to impress a potential client? How will we fill the needs of current clients without abandoning them for new clients? How can we make long-term clients feel special and exclusive on the social web? All of these are important questions that should be asked every day of ourselves and our marketing messages as we communicate through the social web.

How are you cooking your marketing messages? Which one is right? What do you think?

Photo Credit: Abstract Gourmet