16 Jun, 2008
Vented, Vetted and Voracious Accountability
The Truth
Today my character was called on; who I am, how I act, how I respond and the things I do. It was a bit jarring but not unexpected, sharp yet sobering. I immediately wanted to slip a quick quip across the face of my aggressor yet I withheld for everything flowing unto me was truth, hot as acid pooling around my feet burning, singeing my soul. I knew it was true but I wanted to defend myself, I wobbled back and forth from accepting truth as it was and wanting to defend who I am at times. After feelings were vented, vetted and voraciously exasperated it was time to make amends and move forward without regret, resentment, or retaliation. It was time to pick up the slack, to stop letting down those who depend on me to perform certain duties.
Reflection
Understanding and transforming your faults is powerful, not a show for others to ogle at or a story for you to embellish your struggles and victories but a way for you to become who you should be, who you want to be. It becomes a moment when you figuratively or literally look at yourself in the mirror and feel a void, misappropriation, fragmentation upon your soul, character, morals, ethics, work, family and you know unequivocally, unabashedly, unarticulated that something must change. You realize that this, who you are, right now, isn’t who you want to be and you have to accept that so you can be better. It is then that you become cognizant of what you have to do and how you must do it.
What Must Happen
Change. Change must happen. I reflexively calculated how I could achieve this remodel of these certain aspects of who I am to become better, more effective, useful, and in the end more whole. It is these deficiencies that drive me towards betterment. It helps align me to what I need to do. So it was at this time that I apologized, organized myself and began to map my way to repair in these areas. I am happy that I have people in my life to help me when I need it. The last thing you ever want is to have no one say a thing, similar to walking around the entire day with your zipper down, as embarrassing as it is to be told this bashful headline it is necessary to avoid other cringeworthy events.
The Thank You
So as much as it temporarily made me uncomfortable it was necessary and appreciated greatly. Thank you to those in my life that give a damn.
The Ask
Does someone hold you accountable? What’s your thoughts on accountability? Is it important?
